Monday, September 10, 2012

I still haven't found what I'm looking for...

Key words to an old school song for me are exactly how I feel right now as I experiment with the look of my blog AGAIN...I see all of these incredible blogs that have that "I know my blog took a lot of work, but I want it to look like it didn't" vibe, and that's what I want! Simple, fresh, clean, but with a touch of weird as is my personality:)

This morning I felt inspired to write.  Last week was extremely hard.  Dealing with difficult/awkward situations and then finding out a dear friend of mine has cancer spread throughout her body--not necessarily pleasant.  Blogging is a way to vent, but it's also a way to discover more about myself.  Cheesy, I know, but I still find myself battling the way I do things, even when it comes to blogging.  It took my a long time to accept several things about myself and realize that there was no reason to feel shame over them.  Example

a) I am a cryer. Always will be, will not change. I cry when I'm sad, happy, angry, talking about the Lord, you name it...and I'm crying.  My best friends and I always ranked ourselves based on how cried the most to least, and I was always the most.  I've come to really embrace this about myself the past several years, and know it's exactly how I was created.

b) I'm a deep feeler.  I used to feel very self-conscious that I would make deep friends very easily.  I thought I wasn't guarding my heart or exercising caution. However, I've realized more and more that I was created this way with a purpose.  I feel what people feel very easily, and 99% of the time, those relationships have a very divine purpose in my life.

c) I over-analyze a lot.  Now, this used to give way to worry, which was not a good thing, but is not that way anymore.  I used to say I was a very "considerate" person only to excuse the fact that I was a huge people pleaser.  This is a recent change in my life as of 6 months ago.  I can still over-analyze and think things through, but the minute it gives way to worry or people pleasing, I know that I have crossed the line and need a heart check.

d) I'm quirky.  I like little bits and pieces of just about everything.  I love everything to high fashion (even though I barely know anything about it), to beauty tricks, to learning about football from my husband, to the animal kingdom, to reading (a lot), to spending quality time with people, to decorating with vintage pieces and hand me downs, to learning about different cultures, to DIY projects....this list could continue.

e) I'm passionate.  Wow, words just left me. I don't even know how to describe this.  I just am.

So you see, blogging is somewhat therapeutic for me.  It helps me realize little things like my blog coming together and big things like, 'look how much you've grown and still are.' Thank you for reading this post, I hope it was somewhat beneficial to at least one person:)