As Mom and I were trying to wrack our brains this week on a topic to write about, we settled upon the topic of the role of moms: parent, friend, or both? This can be somewhat of a sensitive issue...I've seen moms that have been 100% parent without an ounce of friendship at all in the relationship with her daughter, and I've seen moms that have been 100% friend without an ounce of discipline or correct role modeling in the relationship with her daughter. But, is it possible to have both?
If you ask me whether I think my mom was more friend or parent growing up, I would answer parent. In saying this, I was a teenager who came to my mom for advice, long talks, and who felt comfortable sharing my life with her. However, my mom was able to make decisions and tell me "no" even when I hated to hear it. This is something I've always appreciated about my mom: she never feared losing our relationship or not "pleasing me"--she laid down the law. And sure, there were times I hated it, (I mean, we were all stubborn teenagers at some point, right?!) but I needed it. I am very thankful to have a mom do what I needed and not always what I wanted.
Now, at 25 years old, I would say my mom and I are closer than ever. We have a very strong friendship, where she can speak Truth into my life, and allows me to speak Truth into hers. It is truly a humbling experience when your mom calls and asks for your prayers and advice--wow! And the old saying is true: my parents really do get smarter the older I get (ha!). However, when I look back over my life, I can say that even though I didn't feel it or recognize it at the time, my mom was both friend and parent in my life... A true friend doesn't always let you get your way, remain selfish, and think however you want. A true friend admonishes but uplifts, is a constant pillar in the midst of struggle, and loves you for who you are. I went through a lot of changes in college and truly discovered who I was in Christ, and I can say with confidence that my mom loves and respects the person I am.
Let me address mothers: Moms, do not try to be your daughter's friend before you are her parent. She will take advantage of this, and in the end, probably harbor bitterness later that you were not the parent she needed. However, do not be strictly business and so strict that she feels she can never open up to you with her struggles, her sin, or her shortcomings. I am not saying this balance is easy, but I am thankful my mom chose to fulfill her God-given role as my parent first.
Daughters: You should be thanking the Lord in Heaven that He's given you a mom, even if your relationship with her might not be smooth. Remember that she is your parent, and you are to honor her. This does not mean you always agree, but honey, until you are 18 years old and out on your own, you better obey the mess out of her! You will be grateful to look back one day and see how her being your parent (and not a friend who lets you do whatever you want) has created a foundation in your relationship.
In closing, I really encourage you mothers and daughters to read Scripture on what the roles of each party are. Also, please don't forget to check out my mom's post for today, as she will have some great insight from a mother's perspective!
I know when I am a mom one day, I want to have my children "rise up and call [me] blessed" (Proverbs 31:28)...I know I certainly do when I think of my mom:)
If you ask me whether I think my mom was more friend or parent growing up, I would answer parent. In saying this, I was a teenager who came to my mom for advice, long talks, and who felt comfortable sharing my life with her. However, my mom was able to make decisions and tell me "no" even when I hated to hear it. This is something I've always appreciated about my mom: she never feared losing our relationship or not "pleasing me"--she laid down the law. And sure, there were times I hated it, (I mean, we were all stubborn teenagers at some point, right?!) but I needed it. I am very thankful to have a mom do what I needed and not always what I wanted.
Now, at 25 years old, I would say my mom and I are closer than ever. We have a very strong friendship, where she can speak Truth into my life, and allows me to speak Truth into hers. It is truly a humbling experience when your mom calls and asks for your prayers and advice--wow! And the old saying is true: my parents really do get smarter the older I get (ha!). However, when I look back over my life, I can say that even though I didn't feel it or recognize it at the time, my mom was both friend and parent in my life... A true friend doesn't always let you get your way, remain selfish, and think however you want. A true friend admonishes but uplifts, is a constant pillar in the midst of struggle, and loves you for who you are. I went through a lot of changes in college and truly discovered who I was in Christ, and I can say with confidence that my mom loves and respects the person I am.
Let me address mothers: Moms, do not try to be your daughter's friend before you are her parent. She will take advantage of this, and in the end, probably harbor bitterness later that you were not the parent she needed. However, do not be strictly business and so strict that she feels she can never open up to you with her struggles, her sin, or her shortcomings. I am not saying this balance is easy, but I am thankful my mom chose to fulfill her God-given role as my parent first.
Daughters: You should be thanking the Lord in Heaven that He's given you a mom, even if your relationship with her might not be smooth. Remember that she is your parent, and you are to honor her. This does not mean you always agree, but honey, until you are 18 years old and out on your own, you better obey the mess out of her! You will be grateful to look back one day and see how her being your parent (and not a friend who lets you do whatever you want) has created a foundation in your relationship.
In closing, I really encourage you mothers and daughters to read Scripture on what the roles of each party are. Also, please don't forget to check out my mom's post for today, as she will have some great insight from a mother's perspective!
I know when I am a mom one day, I want to have my children "rise up and call [me] blessed" (Proverbs 31:28)...I know I certainly do when I think of my mom:)
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