Between a Mom & Daughter: Memorial Day & Memories

You know how certain things trigger certain memories? A smell, a song, a picture....or even a day.  Memorial Day is that for me.  It is a blessed holiday for us to remember those who have fought and died for our country, and to give thanks to those who are fighting for our freedom still.  However, for me, it reminds me of my "old" mom.  She served in the Air Force as a nurse, and I'll never forget some of the stories she told me, how she taught me to make a bed (I can't for the life of me make it any other way now!), and her military tombstone that lays at her grave.

I remember after my mom died I felt very alone, lost and confused.  I did not understand why God had chosen my mother to die instead of healing her on this earth. I certainly did not think God was in control because I was about to be a teenager and I had no mother...And then shortly afterwards my dad pulled me aside and asked my permission to ask someone on a date.  This someone was my new mother:) What many don't understand is that my old mom had been sick for 8 years, and at least a year of that time had been spent in a downstairs bedroom because she couldn't walk up the stairs.  My dad had mourned my mom for years.  When my dad asked if he could take Jennifer, our choir director from our church, out on a date, I told him that I wanted him to be happy and I knew my old mom had desired the same (she had told me this).  By that fall, my dad and new mom were engaged and January 8, 2000 they were married.

I find myself extremely blessed to have had two wonderful mothers.  A lot of people don't even get to experience one in a lifetime, and the Lord's plan for me was to have two.  I have learned so many valuable lessons from both of them.  From my old mom I learned the power of prayer, sentiment, and the gift of forgiveness.  From my new mom I have learned about grace, vulnerability and standing up for what is right even when receiving criticism from others.  Before we moved to Joplin, MO in 2004, my new mom knew that it would be difficult to leave the city where my old mom's body was.  She suggested the idea of a gravestone rubbing.  My brother, sister and I took wax paper and a crayon, and gently rubbed the impression of her gravestone onto the wax paper so we would have it wherever we were.  What a true blessing to remember that although her body was in the ground, her spirit is dwelling with Christ in Heaven!

Yesterday at church, I had one of those days where I missed my old mom.  I missed her laugh, I missed her demeanor, and I missed her air force stories.  However, now I DO understand why the Lord took my mother home, because I can't imagine my life without my new mom and siblings.  There were definitely the necessary adjustments that had to take place, but God has shown me His mercy through my adoption story with my mom and how He has done the same towards us.  This memorial day, I urge you, readers, to reflect, be thankful and remember what Christ has done for you.

Please don't forget to check out Mom's post today! 

Don't you worry!

Readers, don't you worry! We did not forget about our mother/daughter post today:) Mom is on a field trip with the littlest siesta, Madelyn, so we're delaying our posts for later this week! Love you all mucho mucho! And stay tuned in for when we do post:)

Between a Mom & Daughter: Happy Mother's Day!

Let me start this post by saying HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY to all of you wonderful, stupendous mothers out there! As daughters, we ARE thankful for you and you have blessed and impacted us more than you know.  Secondly, I found it quite comical that as I was driving home from Arkansas yesterday from being in one of the bestie's weddings, my husband found it fit to text me a video message wishing ME a Happy Mother's day because I am a mom to our dog and cat. Go, Jeff, go.  Not quite the same, but I'll appreciate it:)

Today, Mom and I are blogging about what this special day we celebrated yesterday means to the both of us.  So, don't you forget to check out her superb post today!

Mother's Day is such a beautiful reminder of how God has manifested himself through mankind.  Why did God create man AND woman and not just man? From reading Scripture, I see this as He displays certain aspects of His character through men, and certain aspects through women, and specifically mothers.

Proverbs 31 is an all too familiar passage to a Christian woman, but I love how certain parts talk about her being a Godly wife, and then certain sections focus on her being a Godly mother.  As daughters, there are specific things we do notice and take from our mothers on how we want to be when we are a mom.  Something I love about my mom is that she expresses her love through service and gifts.  My mom was constantly driving us around, paying for extra-curricular activities, attending our events, and I know she still does this for Carlton and Madelyn.  Readers, she jumped into it right away! I also noticed how my mom would show her love to us by leaving us random gifts with encouraging notes.  I would get home from school and there would be a brand new shirt on my bed with a note telling me how much she loved me.  Even now, being miles apart, my mom will send me random packages with sweet little gifts and it totally makes my day!  My mom also instilled in us the importance of a relationship with Jesus and growing that relationship by the reading of His Word and prayer.

I am at the point in my life where a lot of my friends are starting to have kids, and it makes me a little nervous to imagine the kind of mother I'll be one day.  Will I have patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, self control? (Gal 5:22-23)  Will I engrain the importance of a relationship with Jesus and still love them graciously when they stumble?  I certainly hope so.  What a beautiful privilege it must be to be a mom, whether through physically birthing children, adoption, step-parenting or just being a mother-like figure in someone's life!  Moms, you ARE special and especially from this daughter's perspective, well adored:)

Between a Mom & Daughter: Mom AND Friend?

As Mom and I were trying to wrack our brains this week on a topic to write about, we settled upon the topic of the role of moms: parent, friend, or both?  This can be somewhat of a sensitive issue...I've seen moms that have been 100% parent without an ounce of friendship at all in the relationship with her daughter, and I've seen moms that have been 100% friend without an ounce of discipline or correct role modeling in the relationship with her daughter.  But, is it possible to have both?

If you ask me whether I think my mom was more friend or parent growing up, I would answer parent.  In saying this, I was a teenager who came to my mom for advice, long talks, and who felt comfortable sharing my life with her.  However, my mom was able to make decisions and tell me "no" even when I hated to hear it. This is something I've always appreciated about my mom:  she never feared losing our relationship or not "pleasing me"--she laid down the law.  And sure, there were times I hated it,  (I mean, we were all stubborn teenagers at some point, right?!) but I needed it.  I am very thankful to have a mom do what I needed and not always what I wanted.

Now, at 25 years old, I would say my mom and I are closer than ever.  We have a very strong friendship, where she can speak Truth into my life, and allows me to speak Truth into hers.  It is truly a humbling experience when your mom calls and asks for your prayers and advice--wow! And the old saying is true: my parents really do get smarter the older I get (ha!).  However, when I look back over my life, I can say that even though I didn't feel it or recognize it at the time, my mom was both friend and parent in my life... A true friend doesn't always let you get your way, remain selfish, and think however you want.  A true friend admonishes but uplifts, is a constant pillar in the midst of struggle, and loves you for who you are.  I went through a lot of changes in college and truly discovered who I was in Christ, and I can say with confidence that my mom loves and respects the person I am.

Let me address mothers: Moms, do not try to be your daughter's friend before you are her parent.  She will take advantage of this, and in the end, probably harbor bitterness later that you were not the parent she needed.  However, do not be strictly business and so strict that she feels she can never open up to you with her struggles, her sin, or her shortcomings.  I am not saying this balance is easy, but I am thankful my mom chose to fulfill her God-given role as my parent first.
Daughters: You should be thanking the Lord in Heaven that He's given you a mom, even if your relationship with her might not be smooth.  Remember that she is your parent, and you are to honor her.  This does not mean you always agree, but honey, until you are 18 years old and out on your own, you better obey the mess out of her! You will be grateful to look back one day and see how her being your parent (and not a friend who lets you do whatever you want) has created a foundation in your relationship.

In closing, I really encourage you mothers and daughters to read Scripture on what the roles of each party are.  Also, please don't forget to check out my mom's post for today, as she will have some great insight from a mother's perspective!

I know when I am a mom one day, I want to have my children "rise up and call [me] blessed" (Proverbs 31:28)...I know I certainly do when I think of my mom:)